About Blondes

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

A blonde ordered a take-away Pizza. The waiter serving her asked her whether to cut the pizza into six or twelve slices. "Six please" she replied, "I will never eat twelve slices"

Two blondes went into a pub the other night and as they were approaching the bar, one said to the other: "Quickly, let's find the way to the roof" the other looked back at her with surprise and asked "What for?" "Didn't you hear the barman" replied the first one, "today drinks are on the house"

 About Marriage

The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late
for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've
experienced pain and bought jewellery.

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your
laundry done free.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to
get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still
paying for it."

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the
husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be
here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I
wouldn't be here."

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it
because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once.

Cosmetics: A woman's means for keeping a man from reading between the
lines.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your
parachute.

Some people think life begins at conception, while others think life
begins at birth. But some believe that life begins when the kid moves
out and the dog he left behind dies.

Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the
wrong finger? Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky,
mine's still alive.

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is about 10 grand.

..and a few naughty ones too!

A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why. She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger 'units' than his dad. His other replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play. Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."