The Bill Gates Page

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From the "I can't believe I said..." files:

"640K is enough memory for anybody."

Bill Gates, 1981

Microsoft's advertising slogan for Windows 95 was

"Where do you want to go today?"

Here are alternative slogans for the bloated Microsoft OS:

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Windows: The colorful clown suit for DOS.

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Double your drive space: Delete Windows!

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Windows and DOS: A turtle and its shell.

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Microsoft gives you Windows - OS/2 gives you the whole house.

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A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle.

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Bang on the left side of your computer to restart Windows.

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Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance.

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I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better.

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I'll never forget the first time I ran Windows, but I'm trying.

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My lastest screen-saver: Curtains for Windows.

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OS/2 ... Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates.

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Out of disk space. Delete Windows? [Y]es [H]ell Yes!

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Windows 3.1: The best $89 solitaire game you can buy.

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Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty.

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How do you want to crash today?

At last count, Bill Gates had an estimated net worth of $42 billion dollars ($42,000,000,000.000). He has earned since his birth an average of $32.31per heartbeat, and this is escalating. He recently donated $200 million to place computers in libraries across the country. This is 1/210 of his wealth.

Here are some other things he could do:

bulletPay NBA Michael Jordan's salary for 1,394 years.
bulletGive every man, woman and child on the face of the Earth $7.46.
bulletPay every California Lottery prize for the next 34 years.
bulletFund 158 Mars Pathfinder missions.
bulletFund the US Department of Education for 19 years.
bulletPay tuition for the residents of Seattle and Tacoma to go to the University of Washington for four years.
bulletFund the US presence in the Persian Gulf for 11 months.
bulletFund the US peacekeeping forces in Bosnia for 157 years.
bulletBuy 233,346,297 copies of Microsoft Windows 95.
bulletBuy 1,680,000,000 copies of his own book, buy more with his royalties from those sales, continuing the cycle and easily the best selling author of all time.
bulletMake Hanson the most successful musicians of all time by buying 3,529,411,765 copies of "Middle of Nowhere."
bulletIf he wanted to challenge George Lucas (worth only $2 billion), he could make 227 sequels to "Waterworld," or 35,000 sequels to "Sling Blade."
bulletAt the median donation for spending a night in the White House, he could stay in the Lincoln Bedroom for 46,300 years.
bulletIf he wanted to go on a killing spree in Los Angeles County, at the rate that Simpson was charged, he could kill 3,360 people and pay all his attorney fees and punitive damages.
bulletAt the rate of 1/2 ounce per $27 million, he could pay Mike Tyson to eat 1/5 of Evander Holyfield.
bulletHe could fly from Seattle to Paris and back on Air France 45,258,621 times.
bulletIf he wanted to go to a local baseball game, he could buy Seattle Mariners season tickets, all of them, for 411 years, and with his spare change could buy the team and the Kingdome.
bulletAt Denny's, he could buy a "Grand Slam Slugger Breakfast" for 9,150,326,797 people.
bulletIf he couldn't get service, he could buy every man, woman and child in China a Big Mac Extra Value Meal, as long as no one "Super Sizes."
bulletIf they preferred, he could buy 17 billion packages of Top Ramen noodles.
bulletHe must like coffee, and could buy over 6 billion pounds of French roast at his local Starbuck's.
bulletSpeaking of a cup of coffee, he could support one of those Sally Struther's foreign kids for 113,341,969 years.

Perhaps where he needs to spend money on most is a new pair of glasses and some hair conditioner.

If Microsoft built cars

bulletA model year wouldn't be available until AFTER that calendar year.
bulletEvery time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
bulletOccasionally your car would just die for no reason, you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you would just accept this.
bulletYou could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you bought a Car 95 or a Car NT, but then you'd have to buy more seats.
bulletSun Motor systems would make a car that was solar powered, twice as reliable, 5 times as fast, but only ran on 5% of the roads.
bulletThe oil, alternator, gas, engine warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
bulletPeople would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands for years.
bulletWe'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas (tm).

And again Gates gets it his way!

God looks down on earth and decides he's had enough. With a crack of thunder, He summons to heaven the three most powerful people on Earth: Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin and Bill Gates. "Gentlemen," God says. "I have called you here because I am truly disappointed in humans and decided to end the world. You have one week to prepare your people. With a crack of thunder, God sends all three back to Earth. Bill Clinton calls together his Cabinet and tells them: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is there is a God. The bad news is he's really ticked off at us and is going to end the world in a week." Boris Yeltsin calls together his Parliament and says: "Comrades, I have bad news and I have worse news. The bad news is we were wrong, there is a God. The worse news is that He's very mad at us and the world is going to end in a week." Bill Gates calls together his top engineers and says: "I have good news and better news. The good news is God considers me one of the three most powerful people in the world. The better news is we don't have to fix Windows 98."

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